The meaning of christmas...shopping?

Hello my yuletide chums!
Thursday mum had a half day, so we went Christmas shopping in Reading. As mum is a squeaker we had to park about 17 miles away from town and walk, didn't bother me in the pushchair though. We trawled round the shops before going to Pizza Hut. They were a bit nervous after my last visit when I decided to re-decorate the high chair with the contents of my stomach but they needn't have worried. I scoffed a couple of pieces of garlic bread with cheese before seeing off the best part of my pizza, it was lovely. I made friends with a pair of teenage boys on the table behind and we had a smart game of peep-o and everything. Dad asked for the bill when we were finished and after a bit of a wait got a receipt to say it was all paid for! After a brief discussion with mum, we left without paying clutching our receipt! Merry Christmas Pizza Hut!
Friday was party time:

Mum and Dad took me back to nursery on friday afternoon for our Christmas party. We had sarnies, sausage rolls and cakes (Hugo ate loads, even more than dad!) and then we had a visitor:

Mums made sure i'm pretty clued up about this chap, so I was shouting 'Tanta' (it's near enough Santa) way before the others had even twigged as to what was going on. He had a present for everyone and I made sure I was first in the queue, even though I had to wait ages for mine to come out. It was a book with animals in it so I was well pleased. Santa seems to know what I like so far, fingers crossed. It was nice showing mum and dad my friends and giving them a taste of what I get up to at nursery. After we got home and I had another round of sarnies and a banana Aunty Chris and Nanny turned up, shortly followed by Laura and James! I knew that mum and dad would be going out so I started waving bye-bye to them in a bid to get them gone quicker. Turns out it was Dads work party and they both looked uncharacteristicly smart when they finally left.
Saturday morning Dad looked a little the worse for wear, so I made sure I splashed down on his belly a few times and kept him awake when he tried to snatch a crafty kip. He soon came round and they started mucking about with that tree from last week, I left them to it and played some golf in the garden. Eventually the tree found itself in the front room, things then got a lot more interesting:

All this sparkly stuff came out and we got to hang it on this tree, weird or what? Good fun though and it looked pretty nice when we finished.
On Sunday we didn't do a lot and I got a bit grumpy, so we went out delivering Christmas cards. I enjoyed playing with Andy's expensive new putter, cheers Andy.
Monday we went shopping again! This time it was just me and Dad to get stuff for mum. I'm sworn to secrecy of where we went or what we got her. I'll just add that if she doesn't like anything, it's dads fault.
In general news, even though it's been really cold in the mornings on the way to nursery I have been refusing to wear gloves. I just don't like them even though my hands have gone bright pink by the time we get there. I'm loving the advent calendar and am now relatively comfortable with the concept of only opening one door at a time, even if I have already opened door 22 which took my fancy. And finally I seem to have my appetite back after being a bit off my food for a bit, so that should please dad. I think i'll need to be pulling my weight with the amount of food that has suddenly appeared in the house anyway.

New world record lie in!

Sorry i'm a day late this week, i've had word with my editorial team/photographer and hopefully they won't be quite so slack again.
Going right back to last Wednesday, we went to Tesco's in the afternoon and took Nanny with us too. I like it when Nanny comes to Tescos with us, she alwayd has a bag of chocolate buttons in her bag. All dad ever has is a determined look on his face and gritted teeth! She came back home with us in the afternoon and even stayed for tea, so that was fun!
On Thursday we took mum out for lunch because she was working late that night. I stole some of her dinner and necked some of her drink!
Friday afternoon Dad took me over the field to see the horses. It took a while for me to feel at ease with the beasts, but they were okay...still prefer them on the telly though.
Saturday was busy busy busy! We had breakfast and then went out into the country and bought a spiky tree!

I was let out of the pushchair and made a right menace of myself running around the place while grim faced grown ups wrestled with huge lumps of foliage. All very weird if you ask me! Anyway, the tree got put in a giant sock and we put it in the car and took it home. Dad then stuck it in a bucket of water in the garage. It'll never grow shut up in there! They had a little dancing Santa there too:

I showed him some of my smooth moves, I think he learned something.....
After lunch we went to the fancy bike shop in Caversham, I think it's probably too late for dad to be dropping hints for Christmas the fool, he can make do with socks anyway!
In the evening we went to see Rach because it was her birthday! Ben had a Chinese takeaway and I kept trying to slide up to it un-noticed. I think my technique may need some work as I was foiled time and time again. Never mind, the jammie dodgers were nice! They even had a nice cat to chase. All the usual suspects turned up with takeaway curry just as they sent me off to bed the rotters! Anyway, I had a bit of a kip before they woke me up at midnight and we went home. I went straight back to sleep......
......and didn't get up until a quarter to twelve on Sunday morning! That must be a record for the under 2's category. It all worked out well though as I got to skip breakfast (i've gone off rice krispies and toast) and went straight on for lunch (Dairylea sarnie...much better!).
In the afternoon we went to Fantasy World. I haven't been for a while so I was keen to show Mum my new skills falling into the ball pool from the steps again, and again, and again, and again...you get the picture! Dad went down the biggest slide in the place and came out of the bottom at a truly terrifying speed, i'm glad no one was near the point of touchdown, things would have got ugly! I was also doing pretty well getting the the girl from behind admission till to chase me around the place until mum cramped my style, thanks mum! We then went to Waitrose for some posh shopping and I was allowed to wander around the shop rather than be strapped into a trolley. That was ace, I got to fondle all the fruit and scrunch up some crisps on the way round, so if anyone got a packet of tortilla chips like sawdust, i'm sorry! After all that exertion, I was tired again so it was back to bed for a bit before getting up for a roast dinner and then back to bed again for the night. After all that shut-eye i'm fully re-charged so watch out!
We've had an low-key start to the week:

Here I am chilling on the sofa. The highlight so far being Wednesday's christmas food shop! Now this was quite something. Dad was on a mission to buy a whole load of stuff i've never even seen before, and then some! It was great because the trolley was so full up, it was easy pickings to help myself to the wide variety of goods on offer, peruse them for a bit and then chuck them on the floor!
Dad loves having to pick it up again.

Christmas is coming!

As the title says, Christmas is coming apparently! There's all these pictures of a big fat bloke in a red outfit, he's called 'Santa' apparently, I have no idea what he does or indeed where he's been for the last year but he's everywhere now! We have a weird card thing with doors in it that they make me open every day. Thing is, there's got to be at least 20 odd doors on it and they only let me open one at a time? I dunno, next you'll be telling me we're going to have a tree in the lounge.......
And now for the out and about section. Thursday we went to Nanny's. As usual I managed to gorge on Marks and Spencer chocolate biscuits, lovely! I also got to have a cuddle with Nanny while watching 'Big cook, little cook' on C-Beebies, result!
Friday night aunty Chris turned up, closely followed by Laura.....something was going down! I was distracted by my tea and Mum and Dad slipped out, not that I could have cared less, I had a great night. I saved a special nappy full for Laura, I knew she'd love the sweet aroma! I hope Mum and Dad don't get to see the video footage of me belly laughing, emptying Lauras handbag and generally enjoying myself....
Saturday afternoon we went to see Kin, Melissa, Yanna and Fen. We hadn't seen them for ages so it was great fun. Dad and Kin sloped off out, they said they were going to the pub but the far more believable story was that they went off to the bike shop! While they were gone we ran riot around the house. Once they had returned and it had got a bit darker we went to see some christmas lights at a house even posher than the Law's:

It's been on the news and everything they have so many. I am reliably informed we had a look at them last year.....I am also reliably informed that last year they forgot to bring me a coat, as they did again this year! So I had to borrow one from Fen, thanks Fen!
The lights were quite a spectacle and there were even giant inflatable Tiggers. Fen also managed to pull a snowmans nose off.

Saturday night was poker night. Everyone and his dog was around this week so I got to see everyone for a while before I went to bed. I even got to chase Jase and his tube of pringles around the house!
Sunday they took me to the farmers market in town and then onto Southampton so mum could give us a few present ideas for this Christmas thing. I thought Dad was taking note of her whimsical fancies and he thought I was, oh dear.......
Monday afternoon Owen came round. We watched Teletubbies for a bit but I could see Owen was being a bit stretched by it intelluctually. Dad then appeared with a load of big boxes, they had cars and stuff in them. They connected a load of road type bits together and then drove the cars around it! It was incredible, i'd never seen anything like it and had a great time chasing these cars around the track. Dad seemed really pleased when the cars left the track and I carried them over to him....

...until I realised that they were only leaving the track because of poor driving! I soon knocked that one on the head and made them fetch their own wrecks!

Let me entertain you!

Here we go again....
We've been entertaining this week. Last Thursday saw Grandad, Anne, Alan and Hanna come for dinner with me. Mum and dad sat either side of me so I couldn't fling foodstuffs at out guests but I entertained them as best I could anyway. Alan was pretty concerned that I had two slices of cake for pudding.....fusspot, i'm a growing lad! Grandad drew some 'interesting' pictures on my magna doodle thingy which were really funny. I stayed up until gone nine as I didn't have nursery the next day (mum was off, I bet they missed me!)
I let mum have a lay in until 9am on Friday, dad came home at lunch time then cleared off out on his bike leaving mum and me to it, miserable git! In the evening we had the other side of the family round, Nanny, Chris, Ian, Owen, Slim, Trace and Trish. Laura and James also popped in for a bit. When the harsh realisation dawned on me that I was actually related to this lot, I decided to leave home:

But realised I was only wearing a t-shirt and it was pretty cold outside, and anyway i'm not going to start changing my own nappies thats for sure. I let my staff have the evening off from cooking and authorised a chinese takeaway! I got to rub prawn crackers into Auntie Chris' top and get stuck into the puds again. I was on pretty good form even if I do say so myself. Had another late night (nearly 10) before turning in, leaving them to gamble away my remaining college fund into the small hours.
Had another lay-in on Saturday, so late in fact I missed the morning line completely! In the afternoon we went to Bucklebury farm park...but it closed....IN OCTOBER! So they decided we should try action farm (on the way to Basingstoke). When we got there, they wouldn't stump up to go in as it was too expensive, the squeakers! I suppose it was gone three o'clock so we wouldn't have had long. they said we could go back when we had more time. Anyway, we went to Victoria park instead (which suited the stinge-bags because it was free). I really enjoyed the roundabout....as long as I could bolster myself up against dads leg.
Mum went to work on Sunday so Dad and I had a lazy day. I've been watching the world gymnastics championships on the telly and mimicking some of the moves accross the living room floor.
Dad got another accident report from nursery today for a small scratch accross my face. It was inflicted by an as yet undisclosed child at nursery as a result of an as yet undisclosed incident. Also unknown at this time is my reatliation......I shall be remaining tight lipped on this one.

Seaside Shennanigans!

Alright gang?
Wednesday saw the usual trip to Tesco with Dad in the afternoon. I'm starting to get really good at recognising the stuff on the shelves especially the bannanas and the cakes. Funny that....
Friday night I had the pleasure of Sue's company. Things got off to a bad start when dad put his jumper on and I turned on the waterworks big style, I knew they were going out. Anyway, Sue pulled a masterstroke and got me well and truly engrossed as they slipped out of the door. By the time I noticed it was all too late. I had a late night and everything, great fun.
Dad obviously woke up confused on Saturday as he decided we were all going off to the beach!

We went to Lepe country park, and it was lovely. The sun shone and we ate our sandwiches on the wall just like it was summer!

Dad and I had a great sword fight until my stick broke, such was the force of the blows I reigned down on him...sucka! I was really keen to go for a paddle but they seemed reluctant to let me so I settled for giving Dad stones to chuck into the water instead.

Here's me and Mum looking at the Isle Of Wight. Wow, sounds so exotic. Maybe one day if i'm lucky I can go to a luxury holiday destination like that, with sea all the way round....
The other good thing about Lepe is the smart playground:

Another playground, another slide conquered.
Sunday we had a leisurley morning and lunch before heading off to Nick and Carols for afternoon poker. Neither mum or dad bothered to play well enough to boost my college fund and ended the game empty handed. Never mind the cards, Chrissy set up a huge bean bag by a step that I had great fun launching myself into over and over again, top bombing!
We went to the library again on Tuesday, I think I managed to remove almost every single book from it's shelf in an attempt to bury Mum under a huge pile of literature. I eventually settled on just four to take away. After that we went to pay a surprise visit to Nanny. While we were there her phone rang and before she had the chance to answer it I darted accross the room, picked it up and said 'Hello' into the mouthpiece. It was Aunty Chris! That was great, but I had nothing really to follow it up with, so I just grinned and gave it to Nanny. Must work on some more words and phrases.
I've also taken it on myself to liven nursery up a bit in the mornings as well. As soon as I arrive and am extracted from whatever winter clothes mum has trussed me up in, I make a beeline for the CD player, press play and crank up the volume! They know when Ned's in the house, although it's only ever nursery rhymes. I might have to sneak some drum and bass in I think, it's better for dancing to.....

Chickenpox...eeuuuurrrgghh!

It's me, spotty Ned!
I've had Chickenpox this week, I haven't been too bad at all really but I have had a really spotty back. Not attractive. I was just about the last one at nursery to get it so it was inevitable I suppose. I'm allowed to go back to nursery tomorrow, i've had mum at home in the mornings since Friday looking after me so i've really put her through it. She'll be glad of the rest at work.
Strange things have been going on round these parts lately. Dad went out on friday night to see a band. Mum baby sat, while aunty Chris (one of my usual sitters) went to see the band with him Andy and Owen. Most unorthodox.
Mum went to work on Saturday so we did the usual take her out for lunch bit and in the evening we went out to the firworks. I initially thought that Alan, Hanna, Owen and Andy had all come to babysit me and mum and dad were going to sneak off. How surprised was I when I was loaded into my pushchair and we all walked off towards the farm over the road? There was loads of people about and we we got right near the front. This was my first fireworks trip so I wasn't too sure what to expect. The display started at 7 with queit ones for the kiddies, I hated these, they made me cry. Mum and dad looked anxious before the big ones kicked off at 7:30 but I loved these (even though I did need the occasional re-assuring glance from Uncle Alan or Mum to make sure it was okay). Thanks to Owen and Andy for trying to win me a horse from the fairground by fair means or indeed foul.

Here's dad and I looking skywards.

Here I am in the safe haven of my puschair during the main event.
Sunday, just for a change was a trip to the shops, Reading this time. Mum made us park at least 14 miles out of town so we didn't have to pay parking fees which didn't bother me because I always have a nice park and ride arrangement in my pushchair. They got me a special christmas cup that has santa on it and glittery snowflakes sort of inside and treated themselves to some fancy new gear. I think I got the raw deal there. Oh, I suppose I did get a pack of crayons as well.....haven't tasted them yet though.
I'm talking like mad at the moment, they don't seem to understand a word i'm saying though. Their loss I suppose, I know what i'm going on about.
my current diet trend is to eat mostly only meat. When I get given a meal i'll systematically pick out all the meaty bits (or maybe stuffing as well if it's a roast) before casting the plate aside and requesting my 'goh-goh' (pudding) by looking at mum and pointing to the kitchen. I've got her well trained.
Anyway, that'll do for now, see you for more action next week.

Scare-cuts tantrums and sundaes

Hello! A few developments for you first off. I can now point (when prompted) to my own ears, nose and mouth although I still struggle with the eyes....
I've learned the word 'cake' which is proving to be very usefull after i've finished my main meal of an evening.
So now on to out and about news....

Here's Max and I after we terrorised Fantasyland for the afternoon on Thursday. Max ran dad ragged and made him go down the tube slides and everything. We had some great bundles in the ball pools, although I did have to fend off a few other kids who thought they could also join in. I got loads of cuddles off of Emma and she put me through the soft mangles which was really funny. I even had a fruit shoot and didn't spew it up again. Max was really cool and could do all the climbing stuff really well, I was in awe. I eventually bit my lip and looked like a vampire.... I hope we get to do this again soon.
On Saturday they took me swimming. They hadn't asked me if I actually wanted to go swimming, they just took me. As it happens I didn't want to go swimming and nothing they could do would convince me otherwise. I cried for Britain until they finally relented and took me back to the changing room to end the whole sorry affair. Grand total of time in the pool, less than five minutes.....oh dear.
We went down the town in the afternoon, it was okay. We went to see Aunti Chris at work and guess what? I got a balloon!
We stayed in on Saturday night, here I am trying to scare Simon Cowell with my ghost disguise:

I must be a lot less scary than I used to be as the cat decided to spend the evening indoors with me rather than take her chances with the fireworks outside, we're getting along nicely now.
On Sunday I decided to give my kitchen staff the day off and we went to the carvery for lunch:

Andy, Ben and Rach came along too so that was good. I made up for the swiming debacle by being a good boy, especially when my ice-cream turned up.
Last night was haircut night again. Mum distracted me with Postman Pat while dad hacked away. They seemed quite pleased with the results but quite honestly I couldn't care less.
Think thats it for now, have a good week, till next week.....

Pucker up....

Greetings my autumnal friends! It's a bit more chilly in the mornings on the way to nursery now and dark when we go and pick mum up from work.

Just a random picture of me reading a book in my room for you there!
I've learnt kissing this last week or so and nothing is safe from my pursed lips. Teddy, tigger, Zeddy the rocking Zebra, pictures of cats in books and sometimes even mum are on the recieving end of a Nedster smackeroonie!
Friday was Dad's birthday, I got him a really smart card with a monkey peeping on it. I like it more than he does and keep pointing it out to him. Mum got him some presents but they weren't anything like as exciting as the ones I had for my birthday although ripping the paper off was great fun. Can't wait until christmas....
They went out on Friday night so it was left to an Aunty Chris AND Nanny 'tag-team' to look after me. Mum was just saying that i'm always happy to be left with Nanny so I thought i'd turn the waterworks on just to give her a twinge of guilt before they went out to stuff their faces without me. I soon forgot about them though and had a good night, I even filled my nappy good and proper for Aunty Chris!
On Saturday mum went to work, so dad and I had our usual leisurley breakfast in front of the morning line before doing some more lazing about until it was lunchtime when we took mum out for lunch. Saturday afternoon we went to fix nanny's telly so that was a special bonus visit for her....lucky devil!
Sunday morning grandad and Anne came around and Grandad dragged me around the floor in a nice Ned-Sized cardboard box. It was great fun until the box ripped open and I fell out of it. Dad and I also experimented with a new line in headgear:

We are style icons, I kept mine on for ages but dad just couldn't hack it. We went out for a walk in the afternoon, nothing too exciting.
Mum was off monday, I wound her up all morning and in the afternoon we went to Fantasy Land:

I'm getting a lot more confident at all the climbing and that now although I went into the upstairs section for the first time which I wasn't too sure about. We had a good afternoon and we were all tired out when we left.
So there we have it, another weeks worth of fun and games.

Hair care tips

Allright then everyone? I am thanks....
Well Thursday night Grandad and Anne turned up so I knew something was going down. I got my best sulk on and cried for Britain, I love making it difficult for them to leave. For maximum effect I pushed my pink angst ridden face through the cat flap for dad to see as they pulled away in the car. As soon as they were out of the road it was business as usual playing with Grandad and Anne before going off to bed.
As is now becoming the norm, Dad sloped off out on his bike Saturday morning leaving me and mum to fend for ourselves at breakfast time. I set a new Commonwealth record of six, yes that's right, SIX bowls of rice krispies. Result. In the afternoon we went horse racing. The parade ring was brilliant, I could see the horses close up. There are no pictures though as dad left the camera batteries at home. I think he must have lost them in the same place as the form book as they only had one winner between them all afternoon.....very poor. Trish, Al, Matthew and Carrie-Anne were there as well which was smart. I got cuddles off of the girls while we watching the racing from right down on the rails. I think they fared a little better with the gambling than mum and dad did. I'd also like to thank the nice man that helped dad carry me over the railway bridge in my pushchair.
As if they hadn't frittered enough of my milk money/college fund away they had a poker night on Saturday. So I got to see everyone for a bit before I was put to bed. Apparently mum won, good work, now where's that Early Learning Centre catalogue, Christmas is coming you know!
Sunday we went to some shopping place in Bicester, it was rubbish but they had a good playground.

I thought this might make a good record cover for my first album? I had a great game of peep-bo with an older boy, he was great fun and the slide was really good too.
So thats the out and about section covered, what else have I been up to? Well first of all I have really been getting into Zeddy Zebra (last years Christmas present) and have been upping the ante a little bit by doing 'no-handed' rocking and 'standing on the seat' rocking. Dad hasn't managed to get any pictures of me in full flight yet as i'm keeping these specialised moves until I really have them nailed. I did let him have one of me during the dismount phase of a seat standing manouver on Nemo though:

Now then, as all you lovely ladies know, hair care is very important. I have been using a special organic conditioner over the weekend:

Pear skins! I thought it might leave a deep glossy shine but it infact left a horribly clagged mess that took a good dose of washing out...back to the drawing board on that one I think.

It's all going on

May I extend a warm welcome to you all again friends.
Well it's getting dark early at night and not till later in the morning so i'm struggling to get up for nursery when it still looks like the middle of the night outside.
In other news, i've got a number of jobs to do around the house. I feed the cat each evening and funnily enough, she seems to really like me now. I also have to lay the table (sort of). Dad gives me the condiments over the kitchen gate and I go and put them on the table one by one before we have dinner. I ain't doing any washing up though....
Last Wednesday we had a right housefull! Nanny and Aunty Trish (the Ebay wizard) came round to see me and then just in time for the football Owen, Andy, Rach and Ben turned up. A bit later on Nick and Carol arrived too. It was great to see them all and I had loads of lovely targets for my books.
Hmm what else, we had a right weekend of it. Saturday mum went out to a meeting so dad and I lazed about and watched the morning line before having a leisurley breakfast. After a hectic morning I had a kip in the afternoon...it's all go! In the evening we went to Pizza Hut. I gorged on Fruit Shoot until I couldn't take any more and spewed into the tray on my high chair. I very nearly filled it up and it was hilarious to watch dad try and clean it up using only one small napkin. I was okay afterwards though so we went down to the fair. It was my first time and I really enjoyed the flashing lights and loud music, perhaps they could take me to Liquid next week? Or then again, maybe not....
Sunday was Monkey World day, mum has been going on about it for ages and she finally wore us down.

The best bit was the crunchy gravel to run around in! The monkeys were okay though once I realised they were safely enclosed and posed no more of threat to my safety than mum or dad usually do. I made monkey noises and beat my chest at the ones I liked and ignored the ones I didn't. There were some smart playground stuff:

They wouldn't let me go on the go-karts, killjoys! I don't care if I couldn't reach the foot pedals! Still, I had a go in this lorry:

Dad scared the life out of me in the gift shop with a glove puppet, how was I supposed to know it wasn't a real monkey?
Monday saw another accident report form from Nursery, and once again it was a bicycle related lip injury. The reason for it was there in black and white on the form though, I had a tantrum at another kid that was already on the bike. Shamed. I fall off bikes more than dad, that pleases him I think, but then I am pushing the performance envelope while he stays well and truly in his comfort zone the big wet.
Tuesday we went to see mum for lunch and she let me have some coke up a straw, it made my face go all funny with the bubbles after each slurp. I can't believe they drink that stuff. We popped in to see Aunty Chris and she gave me another balloon, smart! After that we went to get Nanny and then on to Fantasy Land. I was a bit more up for it on this occasion and soon got stuck in to the slides, climbing things and ball pools. I think I wore them both out well and truly before I decided to let them go home......